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Everyday life

Porn and real life

Most people will see porn, and many see it before they are ready. These scenarios are about what it can do to expectations, habits and relationships, and what helps.

About pornography, including children coming across it. Nothing is described in detail. Written for adults.

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Children and teenagers

First phones, what they see, and what to say. 5 scenarios

  1. Shown at schoolA child who has seen it
  2. The search historyA teenager who is curious
  3. Is that what it's like?An honest question
  4. The first phoneBefore they see it
  5. The picture going roundNudes at school

Your own viewing

Habits, expectations, where it comes from and who agreed to it. 6 scenarios

  1. Every nightA habit that has grown
  2. Not like the videosExpectations
  3. Who agreed to this?The people on screen
  4. Choosing what you watchWhere it comes from
  5. Stronger stuffWhere a habit is heading
  6. It's not even realFaked images

Relationships

What the screen brings into a relationship. 4 scenarios

  1. Something you sawTrying things
  2. What you found outA partner's viewing
  3. Watching togetherA shared decision
  4. Second bestWhen it replaces closeness

The ideas behind these

  • Porn is a performance made to be watched. It is not a guide to sex, bodies or what people enjoy.
  • Children often see it by accident or are shown it. A calm conversation protects them more than a punishment does.
  • Something you saw on a screen is not something your partner has agreed to. Ask first, and not in the moment.
  • If a habit is costing you sleep, focus or closeness, that is worth acting on. Shame makes it harder to change, not easier.
  • The people on screen have to have agreed too. If it looks secret, leaked or underage, do not watch it or share it. Report it.
Where to get help and advice

These UK services are free to use. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999.

  • ChildlineFor anyone under 19, about anything, including things they have seen online.
  • NSPCCAdvice for parents and carers on talking to children about porn and online safety.
  • Internet MattersStep-by-step guides to parental controls on phones, consoles and broadband.
  • BrookHonest information about sex and relationships for young people.
  • Internet Watch FoundationReport sexual images or videos of anyone under 18. You can do it anonymously.
  • Revenge Porn HelplineFor adults whose intimate images have been shared, or threatened to be.
  • RelateRelationship and sex therapy, including when porn is causing problems.
  • Stop It NowConfidential, anonymous help if you are worried about what you are looking at online.

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