Porn and real life. Scenario 6 of 15. A habit that has grown

Every night

You have noticed that you now watch porn most nights. It started as now and then. Lately you stay up later than you mean to, you are tired at work, and you have turned down seeing friends to stay in.

Afterwards you usually feel flat, and a bit ashamed. You have not told anyone.

What is the best call for you?

Tell yourself everyone does it, and stop thinking about it.

Not the best call

Plenty of adults watch porn without it causing problems. But you have just listed three: sleep, work and friends. Whether it is common is not the question. Whether it is costing you something is, and it is.

Swear you will never watch it again, starting tonight, and tell nobody.

Could be better

Wanting to change is the right instinct. But willpower alone, in secret, with no plan for the moments you usually watch, tends to end in a slip and then more shame. Changing what is around you works better than a vow.

Look at the pattern without beating yourself up. Change the setup, such as charging your phone outside the bedroom, and tell someone you trust or your GP if it does not shift.

Good call

Habits depend on time, place and mood, so changing those is what works. Shame feeds the cycle, because feeling bad is often what sets it off. If you cannot cut back alone, that is a recognised problem, and help exists.

Carry on, but feel worse about it each time as a way of making yourself stop.

Not the best call

Guilt feels like doing something, but it is not a plan. For many people, feeling low is exactly what sends them back. You end up with the habit and the misery, and no step towards changing either.

The principle

The test is not how often, but what it costs you: sleep, focus, money, time with people. If it is costing you, change the setup and tell someone. Shame keeps a habit going.

Where to get help and advice

These UK services are free to use. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999.

ChildlineFor anyone under 19, about anything, including things they have seen online.
NSPCCAdvice for parents and carers on talking to children about porn and online safety.
Internet MattersStep-by-step guides to parental controls on phones, consoles and broadband.
BrookHonest information about sex and relationships for young people.
Internet Watch FoundationReport sexual images or videos of anyone under 18. You can do it anonymously.
Revenge Porn HelplineFor adults whose intimate images have been shared, or threatened to be.
RelateRelationship and sex therapy, including when porn is causing problems.
Stop It NowConfidential, anonymous help if you are worried about what you are looking at online.