Porn and real life. Scenario 3 of 15. An honest question

Is that what it's like?

Your brother Jamie is sixteen. You are in your twenties, and he trusts you. While you are driving him home he asks, looking out of the window: "Do girls actually like being choked? It's in pretty much everything I've seen."

What is the best call?

Laugh and say, "You're too young to be watching that stuff."

Not the best call

He asked a serious question, and it took nerve. A laugh shuts it down. He will not stop wondering. He will go back to the videos for the answer, or try it and find out the hard way.

Say, "Some do. You'll figure it out."

Not the best call

This sends him off to try something dangerous without asking first. Pressure on the neck can cause serious harm in seconds, and doctors warn there is no safe way to do it. "Figuring it out" would be on another person.

Answer him straight. Porn is acted for the camera and is not a guide. You find out what someone likes by asking them. Choking is dangerous whatever the videos show.

Good call

He gets the three things he needs: porn is a performance, real partners are asked and not assumed, and this particular act can seriously hurt someone. Because you did not flinch, he will ask you the next question too.

Tell him it is a question for a teacher or the internet.

Could be better

A good source, such as Brook, would help him, and it is fine not to have every answer. But he chose to ask you. Sending him elsewhere may sound like the topic is off limits. Answer what you can first.

The principle

Porn teaches by repetition: if something is in every video, it starts to look normal. An honest answer from someone they trust is what puts it back in proportion.

Where to get help and advice

These UK services are free to use. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999.

ChildlineFor anyone under 19, about anything, including things they have seen online.
NSPCCAdvice for parents and carers on talking to children about porn and online safety.
Internet MattersStep-by-step guides to parental controls on phones, consoles and broadband.
BrookHonest information about sex and relationships for young people.
Internet Watch FoundationReport sexual images or videos of anyone under 18. You can do it anonymously.
Revenge Porn HelplineFor adults whose intimate images have been shared, or threatened to be.
RelateRelationship and sex therapy, including when porn is causing problems.
Stop It NowConfidential, anonymous help if you are worried about what you are looking at online.