Consent. Scenario 26 of 34. Calling out a friend

Your mate

It is the end of a night out. Your mate Connor has spent the last hour with a woman he met in the club. She is very drunk: unsteady, slurring, holding on to him to stay upright. Her friends have gone.

Connor grins at you and says, "She's well up for it. I'm taking her back to mine."

What is the best call?

Say, "Nice one," and leave him to it. It is his business.

Not the best call

She cannot stand up on her own, so she is in no state to choose. If Connor goes ahead, he may seriously harm her and commit a serious crime. You are one of the few people who can stop that tonight.

Tell him straight. "Mate, she's wasted. Not tonight. Let's get her home safe and you can get her number."

Good call

You have said the thing he needs to hear, and given him a way to do the right thing without losing face. Friends listen to friends. This is looking out for her and for him.

Say nothing to Connor, but tell the door staff you are worried about her.

Could be better

Getting someone involved is good, and it is the right move if Connor will not listen. But you have more influence over him than a stranger does. A word from you is quicker and more likely to work.

Have a go at him in front of everyone and call him a creep.

Could be better

You are right about the risk. But shaming him in public tends to make people dig in, and he may leave with her anyway. Calm and direct, with a clear alternative, is more likely to change what he does.

The principle

The hardest person to challenge is a friend, and the one most likely to listen to you. If someone is too drunk to choose, say so plainly and help them both get home separately.

If this brings something up for you

You can stop at any time. These UK services are free and confidential. In an emergency, call 999.

Rape Crisis England & WalesFree 24/7 support line and online chat for anyone aged 16 or over.
SurvivorsUKFor men, boys and non-binary people who have experienced sexual violence.
GalopFor LGBT+ people who have experienced abuse or violence.
Revenge Porn HelplineFor adults whose intimate images have been shared, or threatened to be.
SamaritansSomeone to talk to, day or night, about anything.