Consent. Scenario 27 of 34. More people, new question

Someone else walks in

At a house party, you and Mia have gone to a quiet bedroom. You have been kissing, and it is clearly mutual.

The door opens and your friend Kyle comes in with a drink. He sits on the end of the bed, grinning. "Don't mind me. Room for one more?" Mia goes quiet and pulls her top straight.

What is the best call?

Laugh and let Kyle stay. Mia has not said no.

Not the best call

Mia agreed to be alone with you. She did not agree to Kyle. Going quiet and covering up is her answer. With two of you in the room and the door shut, saying no out loud has just become much harder for her.

Say, "Kyle, out. Now." Then ask Mia if she is OK and what she would like to do.

Good call

You have dealt with it, so she does not have to. Once he has gone, checking in matters: the mood may have changed, and she may want to go back to the party. Whatever she says, go with it.

Ask Mia, in front of Kyle, whether she minds if he stays.

Not the best call

It looks like asking, but she now has to refuse two people to their faces, in a closed room. An answer given under those conditions tells you very little. The time to ask is when the pressure is gone.

Say nothing, take Mia's hand and leave the room with her.

Could be better

It gets her out of the situation, which is what matters most. But Kyle has not been told that what he did was not on. He needs to hear it, tonight or tomorrow, so he does not do it to someone else.

The principle

Consent is for the people it was given to. A yes to one person is never a yes to anyone else who turns up, and every new person is a new question, asked without an audience.

If this brings something up for you

You can stop at any time. These UK services are free and confidential. In an emergency, call 999.

Rape Crisis England & WalesFree 24/7 support line and online chat for anyone aged 16 or over.
SurvivorsUKFor men, boys and non-binary people who have experienced sexual violence.
GalopFor LGBT+ people who have experienced abuse or violence.
Revenge Porn HelplineFor adults whose intimate images have been shared, or threatened to be.
SamaritansSomeone to talk to, day or night, about anything.