Consent. Scenario 13 of 34. Your own boundaries

Goodnight x

A few weeks ago you told your friend Chloe that you only see her as a friend. She said she understood.

Since then she has texted "goodnight x" every night, sends heart emojis, and jokes in messages about the two of you being "basically a couple". You like her as a friend. The messages are making you uncomfortable.

What is the best call for you?

Play along with the jokes so you do not hurt her.

Not the best call

It is kindly meant, but it tells Chloe the flirting is welcome, so there will be more of it. You end up more uncomfortable, and she ends up more hopeful. Neither of you is better off.

Reply less and less, and hope she gets the message.

Could be better

Pulling back is a fair way to protect yourself. But hints are easy to miss, and Chloe may just think you are busy. If you can say it, saying it works faster and is kinder to you both.

Tell her plainly. "I value you as a friend. The couple jokes and goodnight texts make me uncomfortable. Can we stop those?"

Good call

You have named exactly what needs to change and what you want to keep. You already gave your answer once, so repeating it is not harsh. If she is a good friend, she will adjust.

Mute the chat without saying anything.

Could be better

You are entitled to do this, and if she ignores a clear request it is the right next step. As a first move, though, it ends the friendship without giving her the chance to put things right.

The principle

A boundary can be crossed by anyone, in small and friendly-looking ways. You are allowed to say it a second time, and you do not have to manage the other person's feelings by going along with it.

If this brings something up for you

You can stop at any time. These UK services are free and confidential. In an emergency, call 999.

Rape Crisis England & WalesFree 24/7 support line and online chat for anyone aged 16 or over.
SurvivorsUKFor men, boys and non-binary people who have experienced sexual violence.
GalopFor LGBT+ people who have experienced abuse or violence.
Revenge Porn HelplineFor adults whose intimate images have been shared, or threatened to be.
SamaritansSomeone to talk to, day or night, about anything.