Consent. Scenario 14 of 34. Private messages

The screenshot

Daniel, a friend from work, sends you a long, nervous message. He says he has liked you for ages, that he has never told anyone, and that he understands if you do not feel the same. You do not.

Your group chat is active, and you know your friends would love to see it.

What is the best call?

Screenshot it and post it in the group chat. It is quite sweet, and a bit funny.

Not the best call

Daniel wrote that for one person. He has not agreed to an audience, and screenshots travel. If it ever gets back to him, he learns that being honest with you ends up as entertainment.

Keep it to yourself and reply to him kindly and clearly.

Good call

He took a risk and trusted you with it. Keeping it private costs you nothing, and a kind, clear reply lets him move on with his dignity intact. That matters even more when the answer is no.

Tell your best friend what happened, without showing the message.

Could be better

Wanting to talk it through with one trusted person is human, and far better than sharing his words. Still, he said he had told nobody. The fewer people who know, the easier work will be for him.

Do not reply to Daniel, but show the message to a couple of colleagues to ask what they think.

Not the best call

This is the worst of both. Daniel is left waiting with no answer, while the people he works with read something he found hard to write. Colleagues are the last people who should see it.

The principle

A private message is for the person it was sent to. Being trusted with someone's feelings is not consent to pass them on, even when you do not share those feelings.

If this brings something up for you

You can stop at any time. These UK services are free and confidential. In an emergency, call 999.

Rape Crisis England & WalesFree 24/7 support line and online chat for anyone aged 16 or over.
SurvivorsUKFor men, boys and non-binary people who have experienced sexual violence.
GalopFor LGBT+ people who have experienced abuse or violence.
Revenge Porn HelplineFor adults whose intimate images have been shared, or threatened to be.
SamaritansSomeone to talk to, day or night, about anything.