Consent. Scenario 17 of 34. Messages and images

The photo nobody asked for

You matched with Ellis on a dating app a week ago. The chat has been getting flirty, and tonight it is going really well.

You are thinking about sending a nude photo of yourself to move things along. Ellis has not asked for one.

What is the best call?

Send it. The chat is flirty, so it will be a nice surprise.

Not the best call

Flirting is not a request for a nude. Ellis could open it on a bus or at work, and cannot unsee it. Sending a sexual photo that nobody asked for can also be a criminal offence, often called cyberflashing.

Send it as a "view once" photo so it is not a big deal.

Not the best call

A photo that disappears is still a photo Ellis did not agree to see. The issue is not how long it lasts. It is that the choice was taken away.

Ask first. "Would you want to swap photos, or would you rather keep it to chat?"

Good call

Asking gives Ellis a real choice and an easy way to say no. If the answer is yes, you both know it is wanted. It also gives you a moment to decide whether you are happy for this person to have that photo.

Do not send anything, and keep the chat as it is.

Could be better

Nothing has gone wrong, and waiting is never a mistake. If you would like things to move on, though, you are allowed to ask. Asking is not pushy when you are ready to hear no.

The principle

Consent applies on screens too. Ask before you send anything sexual, and remember that a yes to chatting is not a yes to pictures.

If this brings something up for you

You can stop at any time. These UK services are free and confidential. In an emergency, call 999.

Rape Crisis England & WalesFree 24/7 support line and online chat for anyone aged 16 or over.
SurvivorsUKFor men, boys and non-binary people who have experienced sexual violence.
GalopFor LGBT+ people who have experienced abuse or violence.
Revenge Porn HelplineFor adults whose intimate images have been shared, or threatened to be.
SamaritansSomeone to talk to, day or night, about anything.