Consent. Scenario 18 of 34. Group pressure

The dare

You are at a house party, playing truth or dare with about ten people. Someone dares Olu to kiss Hannah. The group starts chanting.

Olu laughs along, but he is looking at the floor. Hannah has gone quiet. You are sitting next to them.

What is the best call?

Join in with the chanting. It is only a game, and they can always say no.

Not the best call

Saying no to ten chanting people is much harder than saying no to one. A kiss that happens because refusing would be embarrassing is not a free choice, for Olu or for Hannah.

Say nothing and wait to see what they do.

Could be better

You are not adding to the pressure. But you have noticed that two people look uncomfortable, and the noise of a group only stops when somebody interrupts it. That could be you.

Say, "Nah, pick another one. Olu, truth or a different dare?"

Good call

You have given both of them a way out without making anyone say "I don't want to" in front of the group. It keeps the game going, and most people are relieved when someone does this.

Stop the game and tell everyone off for pressuring people.

Could be better

Your instinct is right, and it does end the pressure. But it puts a spotlight on Olu and Hannah, which they may not want. A light redirect usually works with less embarrassment for them.

The principle

A crowd can take away someone's freedom to say no. If you can see that someone is being pushed, an easy way out, offered casually, is one of the kindest things you can give.

If this brings something up for you

You can stop at any time. These UK services are free and confidential. In an emergency, call 999.

Rape Crisis England & WalesFree 24/7 support line and online chat for anyone aged 16 or over.
SurvivorsUKFor men, boys and non-binary people who have experienced sexual violence.
GalopFor LGBT+ people who have experienced abuse or violence.
Revenge Porn HelplineFor adults whose intimate images have been shared, or threatened to be.
SamaritansSomeone to talk to, day or night, about anything.