Consent. Scenario 11 of 34. Giving a no

Turning him down

Ryan, a friendly guy from your evening class, texts: "I've really enjoyed chatting. Would you like to go for a drink sometime, just us?"

He seems nice. You are not interested in him that way.

What is the best call for you?

Reply, "I'm really busy this month, maybe another time."

Could be better

It feels kinder, and if you ever feel unsafe a soft excuse is a fair choice. But "another time" sounds like a maybe, so Ryan may ask again. A clear no now saves you both a second awkward message.

Say yes so you do not hurt his feelings, and plan to cancel nearer the time.

Not the best call

This puts his feelings ahead of your own answer, and it only delays the no. He will be more hurt by a late cancellation than by an honest reply today. You are allowed to not want to.

Reply, "Thanks for asking. I don't feel that way, but I've enjoyed chatting in class."

Good call

Clear and kind. You do not owe a reason, and you have not left a door half open. A decent person will take it well, and if he does not, that tells you your answer was right.

Leave him on read and avoid him in class.

Could be better

You do not owe anyone a reply, and if he had been pushy, silence or blocking would be fine. Here he asked politely, once. One clear line is easier for you than weeks of avoiding him.

The principle

You are allowed to say no without a reason, an excuse or an apology. A clear no is kinder than a maybe you do not mean.

If this brings something up for you

You can stop at any time. These UK services are free and confidential. In an emergency, call 999.

Rape Crisis England & WalesFree 24/7 support line and online chat for anyone aged 16 or over.
SurvivorsUKFor men, boys and non-binary people who have experienced sexual violence.
GalopFor LGBT+ people who have experienced abuse or violence.
Revenge Porn HelplineFor adults whose intimate images have been shared, or threatened to be.
SamaritansSomeone to talk to, day or night, about anything.