Consent. Scenario 6 of 34. Private information

Told in confidence

Your friend Kai tells you, in confidence, that they are being assessed for ADHD. They have not told anyone else yet.

A week later a mutual friend, Mo, says: "Kai's been a bit off lately. Do you know what's going on?" Mo is asking because he cares.

What is the best call?

Tell Mo. He is a good friend and he only wants to help.

Not the best call

Mo's good intentions do not make it your news to share. Kai chose who to tell, and chose you. Once it is passed on, Kai has lost control of who knows and when.

Say "I can't say, but it's a health thing."

Not the best call

A hint is still a leak. Mo now knows there is a secret, knows what kind, and is likely to guess or ask around. Kai did not agree to any of that.

Say "That's one to ask Kai about. I'm sure they'd appreciate you checking in."

Good call

You have not lied and you have not shared. You have pointed Mo towards the one person who can decide what to tell him, and Kai gets a friend checking in.

Say "No idea, they seem fine to me."

Could be better

Kai's information stays private, which is the main thing. But it shuts Mo down, so Kai may miss out on support, and you have told a lie you might have to keep up.

The principle

Consent covers information as well as bodies. When someone tells you something private, they have agreed to you knowing. They have not agreed to anyone else knowing.

If this brings something up for you

You can stop at any time. These UK services are free and confidential. In an emergency, call 999.

Rape Crisis England & WalesFree 24/7 support line and online chat for anyone aged 16 or over.
SurvivorsUKFor men, boys and non-binary people who have experienced sexual violence.
GalopFor LGBT+ people who have experienced abuse or violence.
Revenge Porn HelplineFor adults whose intimate images have been shared, or threatened to be.
SamaritansSomeone to talk to, day or night, about anything.