Consent. Scenario 7 of 34. Privacy

The unlocked phone

Your partner Jess is in the shower. Her phone is on the sofa next to you, unlocked, and it buzzes with a message from a name you do not recognise.

You have been feeling a bit insecure about the relationship lately.

What is the best call?

Read the message. If she has nothing to hide, it does not matter.

Not the best call

Privacy is not the same as hiding something. Jess has not agreed to you reading her messages, and whatever you find, you got it by going behind her back. That damages trust even if the message is nothing.

Leave the phone alone and, later, tell Jess you have been feeling insecure.

Good call

The phone was never the real problem. The worry is. Saying it out loud gives Jess the chance to reassure you, or to be honest, and it keeps you someone she can trust.

Leave the phone alone and say nothing about how you feel.

Could be better

You respected her privacy, which is right. But the insecurity is still there, and the next buzz will be just as tempting. Worries that are not talked about tend to grow.

Do not open it, but ask as soon as she comes out, "Who's messaging you?"

Could be better

Asking is far better than looking. But as an opening line it sounds like an accusation, and she may get defensive. Starting with how you feel leads to a better conversation.

The principle

Being close to someone does not give you a right to everything of theirs. Phones, diaries, messages and bags are private unless you are invited in.

If this brings something up for you

You can stop at any time. These UK services are free and confidential. In an emergency, call 999.

Rape Crisis England & WalesFree 24/7 support line and online chat for anyone aged 16 or over.
SurvivorsUKFor men, boys and non-binary people who have experienced sexual violence.
GalopFor LGBT+ people who have experienced abuse or violence.
Revenge Porn HelplineFor adults whose intimate images have been shared, or threatened to be.
SamaritansSomeone to talk to, day or night, about anything.