Consent. Scenario 28 of 34. Sleepovers

Staying over

You have been on three dates with Nadia and you really like her. Tonight you cooked at yours, the evening went well, and she has missed her last train.

You offer to let her stay, and she says yes. You have one double bed and a sofa.

What is the best call?

Assume she will share the bed. She chose to stay, so she must be interested in more.

Not the best call

Nadia said yes to a place to sleep. That is all. Staying over, like coming in for a coffee or accepting a lift, is not agreement to anything else. Treating it as a signal puts her in a difficult spot at midnight.

Say, "You take the bed, I'll have the sofa. Or we can share, whatever you're comfortable with."

Good call

You have said out loud that nothing is expected, and made the easy option the one with most space for her. If she would like to share, she can say so, and you will both know it was her choice.

Say the sofa is really uncomfortable, so sharing the bed is the only sensible option.

Not the best call

This takes away her choice while sounding practical. She is in your home, late at night, with no way to leave. That is exactly when a person needs more options, not fewer.

Share the bed without discussing it, and keep to your side.

Could be better

Nothing unwanted happens, and that matters. But Nadia has had to guess what you expect, and may lie awake wondering. Thirty seconds of talking would let her relax.

The principle

Agreeing to stay the night is agreeing to stay the night. Say what the sleeping arrangements are, make it clear nothing is expected, and let the guest choose.

If this brings something up for you

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