Consent. Scenario 25 of 34. Social events

The work do

It is the work Christmas party. Diane, a senior manager who has had a few drinks, keeps putting her hand on the knee of Aaron, a junior colleague. He moves his leg each time, laughs awkwardly and looks around the table.

Someone says, "Lucky lad!" and people laugh. You are sitting opposite.

What is the best call?

Laugh along. He is a grown man, and he would say something if he minded.

Not the best call

Aaron is saying something: he keeps moving away and looking for help. Diane is senior to him, so speaking up carries a risk for him. Men are often expected to be flattered by unwanted touch, which makes it harder to object.

Give Aaron a way out. "Aaron, give me a hand at the bar?" Then ask him quietly whether he is OK.

Good call

You have got him out of reach without forcing a confrontation he did not choose. Checking in afterwards lets him decide what happens next, including whether to report it, and shows him that someone noticed.

Say loudly across the table, "Diane, get your hands off him."

Could be better

It would stop the touching, and you are right that it is not acceptable. But it puts Aaron at the centre of a scene with a senior manager, which he may not want. Getting him out first leaves the choice with him.

Do nothing tonight, and tell HR about it on Monday without speaking to Aaron.

Could be better

Taking it seriously is right, and HR may well need to know. But it leaves Aaron stuck for the rest of the evening, and reporting it without asking him takes another decision out of his hands. Talk to him first.

The principle

Unwanted touch is not a compliment, whoever it is from and whoever it happens to. If someone keeps moving away, they have answered. Offer them a way out, then ask what they want.

If this brings something up for you

You can stop at any time. These UK services are free and confidential. In an emergency, call 999.

Rape Crisis England & WalesFree 24/7 support line and online chat for anyone aged 16 or over.
SurvivorsUKFor men, boys and non-binary people who have experienced sexual violence.
GalopFor LGBT+ people who have experienced abuse or violence.
Revenge Porn HelplineFor adults whose intimate images have been shared, or threatened to be.
SamaritansSomeone to talk to, day or night, about anything.