Consent. Scenario 20 of 34. Power

A drink with the boss

You manage a small team. Tasha joined three months ago and reports to you. You are attracted to her, and you think she might feel the same.

Her probation review is next month, and you will be the one writing it. You would like to ask her out for a drink, just the two of you.

What is the best call?

Ask her privately. She can always say no.

Not the best call

Can she? You decide whether she keeps her job. You may know you would never hold a no against her, but she cannot know that. A yes given because no feels unsafe is not a free choice.

Ask in a jokey way, so either of you can laugh it off.

Not the best call

The joke protects you, not her. Tasha now has to work out whether you meant it and how to answer, with her probation in your hands. Being unclear moves the awkwardness onto the person with less power.

Wait until her probation review is done, then ask.

Could be better

This removes the most obvious pressure, and shows you have seen the problem. But you would still be her manager, with a say over her workload, pay and references. The power does not end with probation.

Do not ask while you manage her. If the feeling lasts, check your employer's policy and talk to HR or your own manager first.

Good call

You have put her freedom to choose ahead of what you want. Many employers have a way to handle this, such as changing who she reports to. Then, if you do ask, her answer can be a real one.

The principle

Consent needs the freedom to say no. When you hold power over someone, as a manager, teacher, carer or landlord, it is your job to notice that and not put them on the spot.

If this brings something up for you

You can stop at any time. These UK services are free and confidential. In an emergency, call 999.

Rape Crisis England & WalesFree 24/7 support line and online chat for anyone aged 16 or over.
SurvivorsUKFor men, boys and non-binary people who have experienced sexual violence.
GalopFor LGBT+ people who have experienced abuse or violence.
Revenge Porn HelplineFor adults whose intimate images have been shared, or threatened to be.
SamaritansSomeone to talk to, day or night, about anything.