Consent. Scenario 21 of 34. Clubs and dancing

On the dance floor

You are in a club with friends. Theo, who you have been catching eyes with all night, is dancing a few steps away with his back to you. The music is too loud to talk.

You would like to dance with him.

What is the best call?

Come up behind him and put your hands on his waist.

Not the best call

He cannot see you coming, so he gets no chance to choose. Being grabbed from behind in a crowd is a shock even when the person turns out to be welcome. A dance floor does not make everyone on it fair game.

Move round so he can see you, dance nearby, and see whether he turns towards you.

Good call

Now he knows you are there and can answer without a word: turning to face you and moving closer is a yes, turning away is a no. On a loud dance floor, this is what asking looks like.

Dance up close against him and back off if he pulls away.

Not the best call

This makes the touch first and asks second. He has to push you off to say no, which many people will not do in a crowd. If he had to pull away, you had already gone too far.

Ask his friend whether he is single and interested.

Could be better

Nothing wrong with it, and it avoids overstepping. But his friend cannot answer for him. Sooner or later the only person who can tell you whether Theo wants to dance with you is Theo.

The principle

A club is not consent. Let people see you coming, give them room to turn towards you or away, and treat turning away as a no.

If this brings something up for you

You can stop at any time. These UK services are free and confidential. In an emergency, call 999.

Rape Crisis England & WalesFree 24/7 support line and online chat for anyone aged 16 or over.
SurvivorsUKFor men, boys and non-binary people who have experienced sexual violence.
GalopFor LGBT+ people who have experienced abuse or violence.
Revenge Porn HelplineFor adults whose intimate images have been shared, or threatened to be.
SamaritansSomeone to talk to, day or night, about anything.