Consent. Scenario 16 of 34. Alcohol and messages

The 1am text

You have liked Jake for months. Last week he told you he was not sure how he felt and wanted to stay friends for now.

At 1am your phone buzzes. It is Jake, with typos everywhere: "im so drunk... ive been thinking abut you. come over??"

What is the best call?

Go over. He has finally said what he really feels.

Not the best call

A week ago, sober, Jake said he was unsure. Tonight, drunk, he says something else. The sober answer is the one to trust. Someone that drunk cannot properly choose, and acting on it could hurt you both.

Reply, "Get some water and some sleep. Text me tomorrow if you still want to talk."

Good call

You have been kind, checked he is all right, and moved the real conversation to a time when he can mean what he says. If he feels the same tomorrow, you have lost nothing by waiting.

Reply with something flirty to keep him talking, but do not go over.

Could be better

Staying put is right. But flirting back builds on something he may not remember or mean, and makes tomorrow more awkward for him. Keep tonight's messages simple and friendly.

Screenshot it and send it to him in the morning, saying "So you do like me."

Not the best call

This uses something he said when he was not himself to hold him to it. He may feel embarrassed and cornered. If you want to know how he feels, ask him fresh, without the evidence.

The principle

A drunk message is not a sober decision. If someone told you one thing sober and another thing drunk, wait and ask again when they can choose.

If this brings something up for you

You can stop at any time. These UK services are free and confidential. In an emergency, call 999.

Rape Crisis England & WalesFree 24/7 support line and online chat for anyone aged 16 or over.
SurvivorsUKFor men, boys and non-binary people who have experienced sexual violence.
GalopFor LGBT+ people who have experienced abuse or violence.
Revenge Porn HelplineFor adults whose intimate images have been shared, or threatened to be.
SamaritansSomeone to talk to, day or night, about anything.