Consent. Scenario 2 of 34. Play and "stop"

Only messing about

You and your flatmate Ben are play-fighting on the sofa, and you start tickling him. He is laughing so hard he can hardly breathe.

Between laughs he gasps: "Stop, stop!"

What is the best call?

Stop straight away and sit back.

Good call

He said stop, so you stopped. If he wants more, he can say so, and now he knows the word works with you. That is what makes messing about feel safe for both of you.

Carry on. He is laughing, so he must be enjoying it.

Not the best call

Laughing when tickled is a reflex, not a sign of enjoyment. Lots of people laugh while hating it. When the words and the laughter disagree, believe the words.

Carry on for a few more seconds, then stop.

Not the best call

Those seconds teach Ben that "stop" is something you will get round to when you are ready. A word that only works some of the time is not much use to him when it matters.

Stop, then tease him for not being able to take it.

Could be better

Stopping was right. The teasing takes some of it back, because it makes saying stop a little embarrassing. People who are teased for a boundary are slower to use one next time.

The principle

Stop means stop, even when it is said through laughter and even when it is only a game. If "stop" might be part of the game, agree a different word first.

If this brings something up for you

You can stop at any time. These UK services are free and confidential. In an emergency, call 999.

Rape Crisis England & WalesFree 24/7 support line and online chat for anyone aged 16 or over.
SurvivorsUKFor men, boys and non-binary people who have experienced sexual violence.
GalopFor LGBT+ people who have experienced abuse or violence.
Revenge Porn HelplineFor adults whose intimate images have been shared, or threatened to be.
SamaritansSomeone to talk to, day or night, about anything.