Consent. Scenario 3 of 34. Help and touch

A helping hand

At the station you see a woman in a wheelchair working her way up a steep ramp. It looks like hard going. You are right behind her and could easily push.

What is the best call?

Take the handles and push. She clearly needs it.

Not the best call

A wheelchair is part of someone's personal space, and being moved without warning can be frightening or even unsafe. She may be managing fine. Deciding she needs help is not the same as her asking for it.

Ask, "Would you like a hand?" and go with her answer.

Good call

One question lets her choose. If she says yes, she can tell you how to help. If she says no, you have lost nothing, and she has been treated as the person in charge of her own movement.

Walk past quickly so you do not make it awkward.

Could be better

You have not overstepped, and often no help is needed. But offering is not rude. If she did want a hand, a short question would have got her up the ramp.

Ask if she wants help and, when she says "No thanks", stay close behind just in case.

Not the best call

Asking was right. Hovering after a no tells her you did not believe the answer. A no to help deserves the same respect as any other no.

The principle

Wanting to help does not replace asking. Offer, then accept the answer. This goes for touching someone, their wheelchair, their cane or their assistance dog.

If this brings something up for you

You can stop at any time. These UK services are free and confidential. In an emergency, call 999.

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SurvivorsUKFor men, boys and non-binary people who have experienced sexual violence.
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