Consent. Scenario 10 of 34. Taking a no

The reply you did not want

You finally texted Megan, a friend you have liked for months, to ask her out for dinner.

She replies: "Aw, that's really kind, but I don't see you that way. I hope we can still be friends."

What is the best call?

Reply, "Why not? Just give me one date to change your mind."

Not the best call

Megan has answered. Asking her to explain or to try anyway treats her no as an opening offer. It also makes her less likely to be honest with the next person, because being honest got her an argument.

Reply, "No worries, thanks for being straight with me." Then give it a bit of space.

Good call

It stings, and you can still be gracious. You have made it safe for her to be honest, and kept the friendship possible. Taking some space afterwards is fine. You do not have to pretend it did not hurt.

Reply, "Wow, OK. I wasn't that bothered anyway."

Not the best call

This is hurt talking, and it punishes her for a kind, clear answer. It is the reply most people regret by the morning, and the one most likely to end the friendship.

Do not reply at all.

Could be better

You have not pushed, which is the main thing, and it is fine to need time. But she said something hard to say, and silence may leave her worrying. A short, gracious line now makes things easier for both of you.

The principle

A no is an answer, not the start of a negotiation. How you take it decides whether people feel safe being honest with you.

If this brings something up for you

You can stop at any time. These UK services are free and confidential. In an emergency, call 999.

Rape Crisis England & WalesFree 24/7 support line and online chat for anyone aged 16 or over.
SurvivorsUKFor men, boys and non-binary people who have experienced sexual violence.
GalopFor LGBT+ people who have experienced abuse or violence.
Revenge Porn HelplineFor adults whose intimate images have been shared, or threatened to be.
SamaritansSomeone to talk to, day or night, about anything.