Consent. Scenario 31 of 34. Checking in

Gone quiet

You are at Leila's place. You have been seeing each other for a few weeks, and tonight you are kissing. It has been mutual.

As things move on, you notice Leila has gone still and quiet. She has stopped kissing you back. She has not said stop.

What is the best call?

Stop, give her some space and ask, "You OK? Want to slow down, or stop?"

Good call

You noticed the change and made both answers easy to give. Then the important part: whatever she says, you go with it, without sulking or asking her to explain.

Carry on. She would say something if there was a problem.

Not the best call

Many people cannot speak in that moment. Freezing is a common, automatic reaction, not a choice. Silence and stillness are not a yes, and Leila has stopped showing you one.

Carry on, but more slowly, and see how she reacts.

Not the best call

This is testing instead of asking. You are still deciding for her while she is giving you nothing back. If you have noticed enough to slow down, you have noticed enough to stop and ask.

Pull away and say, in a hurt voice, "What's wrong? What did I do?"

Could be better

Stopping is exactly right. But making it about your feelings can push Leila into reassuring you instead of saying what she wants. A calm, open question works better.

The principle

Consent can be taken back at any point, and not always in words. Look for someone actively joining in, not just for the absence of a no.

If this brings something up for you

You can stop at any time. These UK services are free and confidential. In an emergency, call 999.

Rape Crisis England & WalesFree 24/7 support line and online chat for anyone aged 16 or over.
SurvivorsUKFor men, boys and non-binary people who have experienced sexual violence.
GalopFor LGBT+ people who have experienced abuse or violence.
Revenge Porn HelplineFor adults whose intimate images have been shared, or threatened to be.
SamaritansSomeone to talk to, day or night, about anything.