Consent. Scenario 32 of 34. Sleep

Still asleep

You and your partner Rowan have lived together for two years. You wake up early on a Sunday, feeling affectionate and in the mood for sex.

Rowan is fast asleep next to you.

What is the best call?

Start touching Rowan sexually. You are a couple, and it would be a nice way to wake up.

Not the best call

A person who is asleep cannot agree to anything. The law in England and Wales presumes that someone who is asleep is not consenting, and being a couple does not change that. What feels romantic to you is happening to someone who has no say.

Wait until Rowan is awake, then say what you are in the mood for.

Good call

Rowan gets to answer as a person who is awake and able to choose. If it is a yes, it is a real one. If it is "let me have a coffee first", you have lost nothing.

Shake Rowan awake to ask.

Could be better

You are asking, which is the important part. But someone woken suddenly is groggy and may agree without really deciding. Let Rowan wake up properly, and take a sleepy "mm" as a maybe, not a yes.

Go ahead, because Rowan did not mind the last time it happened.

Not the best call

Not objecting afterwards is not the same as agreeing beforehand. If this is something Rowan might like, the way to find out is a conversation when you are both awake, not a guess while they sleep.

The principle

Someone who is asleep cannot consent. That is true on a first night and after twenty years. Wait until they are awake, and ask.

If this brings something up for you

You can stop at any time. These UK services are free and confidential. In an emergency, call 999.

Rape Crisis England & WalesFree 24/7 support line and online chat for anyone aged 16 or over.
SurvivorsUKFor men, boys and non-binary people who have experienced sexual violence.
GalopFor LGBT+ people who have experienced abuse or violence.
Revenge Porn HelplineFor adults whose intimate images have been shared, or threatened to be.
SamaritansSomeone to talk to, day or night, about anything.