Consent. Scenario 33 of 34. Your own boundaries

You changed your mind

After a third date you invited Chris back to yours, and you said you were up for things going further.

Now you are there, you realise you do not want to. Chris seems keen. You feel bad, as if you have led Chris on.

What is the best call for you?

Go along with it. You did say yes earlier.

Not the best call

An earlier yes is not a contract. You are allowed to change your mind at any point, for any reason or none. Going along with something you do not want protects Chris's evening at your expense.

Say nothing and hope Chris notices you have gone quiet.

Could be better

Chris should notice, and should check. But you cannot count on it. If you are able to say it, saying it is the surest way. If you freeze and cannot speak, that is not your fault, and it is not consent.

Say "I've changed my mind. I'd rather not tonight."

Good call

Clear, and enough. You do not owe a reason or an apology. Someone worth seeing again will accept it. How Chris reacts will tell you a lot.

Make an excuse. Say you suddenly feel ill.

Could be better

It gets you out, and if you ever feel unsafe, use whatever gets you out. But you did not need an excuse here. "I've changed my mind" is a complete reason.

The principle

Consent works for you too. You can change your mind at any point, even after saying yes, and respecting that is the other person's responsibility.

If this brings something up for you

You can stop at any time. These UK services are free and confidential. In an emergency, call 999.

Rape Crisis England & WalesFree 24/7 support line and online chat for anyone aged 16 or over.
SurvivorsUKFor men, boys and non-binary people who have experienced sexual violence.
GalopFor LGBT+ people who have experienced abuse or violence.
Revenge Porn HelplineFor adults whose intimate images have been shared, or threatened to be.
SamaritansSomeone to talk to, day or night, about anything.