Consent. Scenario 34 of 34. Conditions

What you agreed

You and Sasha have been seeing each other for a month. Sasha has been clear from the start: sex only with a condom. You agreed.

Tonight things are heading that way, and you realise you have run out.

What is the best call?

Carry on without one and do not mention it. It is probably fine.

Not the best call

Sasha agreed to sex with a condom, not to sex without one. Going ahead in a way they have not agreed to means they have not consented to what is happening. Courts in England and Wales have treated this as rape.

Stop and tell Sasha. Then do something else together, or go and buy some.

Good call

Sasha set a condition and you kept to it, even though it was inconvenient. That is what makes it safe for someone to say yes to you. The evening is not ruined. It has just changed.

Tell Sasha, then say, "It'll be fine just this once, won't it?"

Not the best call

Telling them was right. Pushing was not. In the middle of the moment it is hard to hold a line you set calmly beforehand, and you would be relying on that. A condition someone has to defend is being worn down.

Stop, say you are tired and call it a night.

Could be better

You kept to what was agreed, which is the main thing. But Sasha may wonder what went wrong. The truth is simple and reflects well on you, so there is no need to hide it.

The principle

Consent can come with conditions, and the conditions are part of it. If you change what was agreed without the other person knowing, they have not agreed.

If this brings something up for you

You can stop at any time. These UK services are free and confidential. In an emergency, call 999.

Rape Crisis England & WalesFree 24/7 support line and online chat for anyone aged 16 or over.
SurvivorsUKFor men, boys and non-binary people who have experienced sexual violence.
GalopFor LGBT+ people who have experienced abuse or violence.
Revenge Porn HelplineFor adults whose intimate images have been shared, or threatened to be.
SamaritansSomeone to talk to, day or night, about anything.