Racism. Scenario 9 of 14. Skin colour

Stay out of the sun

Your daughter Anika is nine. She comes in from the garden, and her great-aunt says, "Don't play in the sun so much, you'll get too dark. You're such a pretty girl when you're fair." She means it kindly.

Anika looks at her arms. She says nothing.

What is the best call?

Let it go. Auntie means well, and every family says things like this.

Not the best call

It is common, and that is how it lasts. Anika has just been told that her skin gets worse as it gets darker. Children remember these remarks for years, and nobody has told her it is not true.

Say, in front of Anika, "Her skin is lovely exactly as it is, Auntie. She can play outside as much as she likes."

Good call

Anika hears, from her parent and straight away, that there is nothing wrong with her skin. It is warm, it does not shame her great-aunt, and it does not let the remark stand. You can talk to Auntie properly later.

Say nothing at the time, and tell Anika later that she is beautiful.

Could be better

She needs to hear that, and it will help. But in the moment she saw the remark go unanswered. If you can, say something then as well, so that she does not carry it until bedtime.

Tell Auntie sharply that she is being racist and should be ashamed.

Could be better

Colourism, treating lighter skin as better, is a form of prejudice, so you are not wrong. But a sharp telling-off in front of Anika makes the scene about the row. Affirm Anika now, and explain to Auntie in private.

The principle

Praising lighter skin teaches a child that darker skin is worse. It is prejudice even when it comes from love, and from inside your own family. Say, there and then, that their skin is right as it is.

If this has happened to you, or you have seen it

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