Racism. Scenario 10 of 14. Children

A word he used at school

The school phones. Your seven-year-old son, Alfie, called a classmate a racist name in the playground. The other boy went home upset.

When you ask Alfie about it, he looks confused. "Everyone says it," he tells you. He does not seem to know what the word means.

What is the best call?

Tell the school he is only seven and did not mean anything by it.

Not the best call

He probably did not understand it. The other boy was still hurt. Brushing it off teaches Alfie that the word is no big deal, and tells the other family that it was not taken seriously.

Punish him hard, and tell him he is a bad boy.

Could be better

You are taking it seriously, which is right. But a child who does not understand why learns only that the word gets him into trouble with you, not why it hurts. Shame makes children hide things. It does not teach them.

Explain calmly what the word means and why it hurts, find out where he heard it, and help him apologise to the other boy.

Good call

At seven, he needs to understand, not just to be afraid. Knowing where it came from tells you what else he is hearing. An apology he understands will mean something to both boys, and it shows the other family you care.

Tell him never to say it again, and leave it at that.

Could be better

A clear rule is a start. But without the reason, it is just one more banned word, and he will not recognise the next one. The other boy has also had no apology.

The principle

Children repeat what they hear before they understand it. Treat it as something to teach, not just to punish: what the word means, who it hurts, and how to put it right.

If this has happened to you, or you have seen it

These UK services are free to use. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999.

Stop Hate UKSupport for anyone affected by hate crime, and a way to report it without going to the police.
True VisionThe police website for reporting hate crime online.
Victim SupportFree, confidential support after a crime, whether or not you report it.
Citizens AdviceWhat counts as discrimination, and what you can do about it.
AcasFree advice on discrimination and your rights at work.
Kick It OutReport racism and other discrimination in football, at a ground or online.
SamaritansSomeone to talk to, day or night, about anything.