Racism. Scenario 7 of 14. Bodies and curiosity

Can I touch it?

At a friend's barbecue you meet Abena, a friend of a friend. She has long braids, and you think they look amazing. Without really thinking, you start to reach out to touch them.

What is the best call?

Touch it. It is a compliment.

Not the best call

Touching someone's hair without asking is touching their body without asking. Many Black women have this happen constantly, from strangers too. It treats her as something to examine, however kind the intention.

Stop, and ask, "Can I touch your hair?"

Could be better

Asking is far better than not asking. But it is awkward to say no to someone you have just met, and she may be tired of the question. A compliment that does not need her to do anything is better.

Keep your hands to yourself and say, "Your hair looks great."

Good call

She gets the compliment with nothing asked of her. It is how you would speak to anyone about their hair. If she wants to tell you more about it, she will.

Ask her a string of questions. "Is it real? How long did it take? How do you wash it?"

Could be better

Interest is not unkind, and a close friend might enjoy the conversation. But from someone she has just met, it can feel like being an exhibit, and "is it real?" is rude about anyone's hair. One compliment, then follow her lead.

The principle

Other people's bodies, including their hair, are not there to satisfy your curiosity. Compliment the way you would compliment anyone, and keep your hands to yourself.

If this has happened to you, or you have seen it

These UK services are free to use. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999.

Stop Hate UKSupport for anyone affected by hate crime, and a way to report it without going to the police.
True VisionThe police website for reporting hate crime online.
Victim SupportFree, confidential support after a crime, whether or not you report it.
Citizens AdviceWhat counts as discrimination, and what you can do about it.
AcasFree advice on discrimination and your rights at work.
Kick It OutReport racism and other discrimination in football, at a ground or online.
SamaritansSomeone to talk to, day or night, about anything.