Racism. Scenario 8 of 14. Relatives

At the dinner table

At a family meal your uncle starts talking about "immigrants" taking over the town, then makes a remark about the skin colour of his new neighbours. Your eight-year-old niece is at the table, listening.

Everyone else looks at their plates.

What is the best call?

Say nothing. He is from a different generation, and it would spoil the meal.

Not the best call

His age explains where the view came from. It does not make it harmless, and your niece is learning right now what the adults in her family will let pass. The meal is already spoiled for anyone the remark was about.

Say calmly, "I don't agree with that, and I'd rather we didn't talk about people that way." Then change the subject.

Good call

You have not tried to win a debate, which rarely works at a dinner table. You have simply put on record, in front of your niece, that not everyone thinks this. One calm sentence is enough.

Have a full argument with him, with facts and figures.

Could be better

You are right to push back, and the facts may well be on your side. But an argument at the table usually ends with him digging in and everyone else upset. Say the short thing now, and have the longer talk another time.

Wait until later and tell your niece privately that he was wrong.

Could be better

Talking to her is a good thing to do. But she also needs to see that it can be said out loud, to his face, without the sky falling in. Do both if you can.

The principle

You do not have to change a relative's mind to make a difference. Saying "I don't agree" once, calmly, shows everyone else at the table, especially the children, that the remark is not the family's view.

If this has happened to you, or you have seen it

These UK services are free to use. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999.

Stop Hate UKSupport for anyone affected by hate crime, and a way to report it without going to the police.
True VisionThe police website for reporting hate crime online.
Victim SupportFree, confidential support after a crime, whether or not you report it.
Citizens AdviceWhat counts as discrimination, and what you can do about it.
AcasFree advice on discrimination and your rights at work.
Kick It OutReport racism and other discrimination in football, at a ground or online.
SamaritansSomeone to talk to, day or night, about anything.