Racism. Scenario 6 of 14. Questions that single people out

Where are you really from?

At a friend's birthday you get talking to Maya. You ask where she is from, and she says, "Leeds." She is brown-skinned, and you are curious about her background.

You are about to say: "No, I mean, where are you really from?"

What is the best call?

Ask it. You are only being friendly and interested.

Not the best call

She has answered. "Really from" tells her that Leeds cannot be the true answer because of how she looks. She has probably been asked hundreds of times, and each time it says: you are not quite from here.

Take "Leeds" as the answer and carry on. "Oh nice, whereabouts? I've got family near there."

Good call

You have treated her answer the way you would treat anyone's. If her family background matters to her and she wants to share it, it will come up, in her words and when she chooses.

Ask, "What's your heritage?" instead.

Could be better

It is more respectful wording, and some people are happy to be asked. But two minutes after meeting, it still makes her background the first interesting thing about her. Let her bring it up.

Guess. "Let me think... India? Pakistan?"

Not the best call

Now her appearance has become a guessing game. It is the same question, only harder to answer politely, and a wrong guess makes it worse. Curiosity about someone is not a reason to sort them.

The principle

If someone tells you where they are from, that is the answer. Being curious about a person is fine. Asking them to account for how they look is not.

If this has happened to you, or you have seen it

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